bring me back to the first day of first grade…

I’d listen to you talk about the world

I want to sit down with you

Lay down a picnic table by the clouds

Make you tell me stories about all the people you met up there

And all the dreams you visited

I’d listen to your laugh endlessly

And notice the few giggles before you’d burst hysterically laughing

I’d see your smile

I’d talk about how much we aren’t the same without you

With time I’ve realized that I’m also grieving a piece of me that was innocent and naive

Who didn’t understand the depths of these feelings

Happiness and sadness were so easy

I experienced them on a surface level

Now, your pain makes me so analytical

Preserving of every moment

Taking each day at a time

And I never for the life of me thought that my grief would be in line with my growth

But in a weird twisted way, in return, I feel like I’m living life more fully

But I imagine the day we meet again

And fill in each other on all the life we experienced

As if you never left.

Because everything leads back to this.

Back to the moment I said

“Hi I’m Malak” and you said “Hi I’m Lamees” with your two ponytails and Ray-ban purple glasses on the first day of first grade.