Day 18

My silence on the verge of insanity
Consumed by my numbness until I am left bereft
Usually with my writings I try to reach somewhere
Find a place within me where these words stem from
But I am scattered
Feeling everything at once
Trying to allow sadness and happiness to coexist
In its fullest capacity
But the more I give into sadness;
Accept that you’re gone.
The more it takes parts of you away from me.
Because all that’s left of us;
Are these memories.
The ones where we’re trying to find ourselves.
The ones where we found ourselves together.
The more that I realize that you still exist within everyone that knew you.
But god dammit I miss you.
Like crazy.
If I could pause time, and hold onto every memory we had together, I would.
Today, I ache to hear your voice and your smile and to receive a text from you.
I ache because I long for you.
I ache even harder because today I realize that longing for you will be eternal.
I’ll keep longing, and that’s what hurts the most today.
Today my grief wants to be known.
So I’m crying here and there and everywhere until all the places that have known you are aware of your departure~ I carry you with me everywhere I go, forever.