HIM AND HER AND FOREVER.

HIM

I hear you say: “we should end it here”
I look at you. For the first time in 2 weeks. I’ve been counting.
I look you in the eye. stunned. But I never show it. I turn my gaze at our room. At everything but us. Or whatever is left of it anyway.
I think of our children.
I slam the bedroom door.
And leave.
Like I always do.

HER

This is my defense mechanism.
But for some reason. I do not feel hurt. This is not the reason as to why I said what I said. It feels deeper. It feels older.
It feels like I said this 30 years too late.
I have given up too much.
For my words to be finally out in the open,
I feel liberated.
But my emotions are conflicted.
I continue with this act I’m seemingly playing.
As I continue to bury the past. Over and over again.
But I cannot control the way I love.
The way I have always loved.
Deeper and stronger. And returning. To this conscious state.
And realizing that I deserve much better. So I grieve. Deeper and stronger.
But I remember.
My children,
So I bury the past.
Deeper
And stronger.
Until I return to the present.
And l give it the ability to ruin me.
I return with a smile.
Channel all my emotions.
And act like nothing has happened.
For 30 years.
I have convinced myself.
That my feelings.
Were.
never.
worth.
acknowledging.

“I’m fine”

HIM 

“I’m talking to you” she says.

‘I just don’t feel like responding right now’ I say.

“What do you mean you don’t feel like responding, I’m clearly directing all my attention to you”

‘I just don’t feel like I can throw the divorce card like 30 years meant nothing’

HER

We’re fine

We’re fine

Everything’s fine…

We talked it out
Everything’s fine
I repeat to everyone
In hopes that it becomes the truth
And I sink.
Deeper.
And.
Stronger.
In a lie I continue to call love.